Back to Work

I have officially made it through my first week back to work. Thankfully it was only a three day week! Note to self: if I ever have a child over the weekend or on a Monday to plan to take vacation days so I do not have to start with full week. Over all, the week went well and in some ways I am thankful to be back but it was certainly difficult. It is pretty much like having to adjust all over again; like Abney and I had our routine down and it was going great and now we have to figure it out again. I will try to give a brief synopsis of the week.

DAY 1, Wednesday, January 20th
Mom arrived the night before and settled in with her girls. It made it a little easier knowing I will be leaving Abney for more than a couple hours because she will be with her Nana. I have been worried about how I will get through an entire day without Abney after never being away from her for more than a couple of hours.

I was pleasantly surprised when it was already time for lunch with my girlfriends and I had not cried or called my mom to check in. In fact, I made it all the way through the day with no tears and feeling pretty good. Catching up with all my friends and very busy with all the work on my desk. Feeling lighthearted the clock struck the magic hour of 4:00 and I packed up and headed anxiously to my car. It was difficult to make sure I left on time and not spend hours working over time, but I packed up my bags and said it was time to go. I got to my car, I turned on the ignition, I called my Mommy and I started bawling. I cried all the way home.

When I got home I grabbed Abney and took her in my arms, after a few moments she realized it was me and started crying too. As my wise, childhood psychology graduate student best friend told me, at this age they have not yet developed object permanency. She can be fine without me because she doesn't really know to miss me, but once I enter the room she realizes she wants me. It was definitely what was happening because it wasn't even a real cry it was more of a complaint. It warmed my heart but slightly broke it to think how much we both missed each other.

When I left that morning, Abney was still asleep and I decided not to wake her so she could try to keep her regular routine as much as possible. Looking back I had not touched my baby since 8:30 the night before and I decided that was way too long without her and that for the next day I would try to feed her before I left so we could at least get one good hug before I head to work.

Day 2
We did wake up Abney so that I could see her and that certainly helped. I also brought her pictures to work (how I forgot them the first day I will never know...) and a piece of her clothing with her scent. Okay, so I know that sounds really strange but as a food source it is important that my body feels she is near in any way I can make it work. So we did sight with pictures, sound with recording on my phone, and smell with the clothes. Yep, crazy but it works. :)

I got through the day again but as soon as I got in the car I started crying. While busy I could look at her picture and be fine, but as soon as I was close to getting back to my girl it REALLY hit me. I guess the object permanency theory works both ways. LOL My key learning was to target working from home at least one day a week especially while nursing.

Day 3
T.G.I.F. I made it the whole week, well at least three days. I cried again on my way home and the only thing that made me feel better was taking Abney in my arms and holding her as close to me as possible. Sallie wrote a really sweet note on my facebook wall about me being an inspiration as a working women and mom. I posted it in my cube and use it as my constant reminder for why I go every day. I do enjoy what I do for living, and LOVE the people I work with and the products we stand behind. But the real reason I work is to provide what I can for my family and to show my daughter and future children that it can be done. As the poster with Smurfette says, "Girls Can do Anything."